The Quiet Power of Leaving a Comment

Why noticing others is the only growth strategy that ever worked for me

This Llewyn guy was real lonely

In 2011, I went to the 2nd Annual VidCon in Century City, Los Angeles. I was 17 years old, and my parents encouraged me to go with the stipulation that I treat it like a networking event (I wrote a bit about conferences like this in a previous edition). I was in the midst of my daily vlog that I would continue for a full calendar year (It was day 70, I just checked). I was drawn to VidCon because of the opportunity to grow my YouTube channel. All I had to do was get over my crippling social anxiety….

As I opened up from my shell to talk with other people, I slowly realized that being at an event surrounded by other people who like doing the same thing you do is not as intimidating as going to a work-obligated event or an event required for school. Up until this point, making content to put online felt isolating. Sure, I would include my friends in the videos, and I would get some mentions of it in conversation with folks at school, but the process was lonesome.

Part of me enjoyed it being a solo endeavor because it meant that I was in charge of everything, and I didn’t have to compromise my vision by having others included in delivering my message. But attending VidCon reminded me that art is not something I want to create in a vacuum and never let it see the light of day. It confirmed for me the power of engaging with others, speaking with folks about a similar vision, and learning what works and what doesn’t work from those who’d already learned some lessons.

In addition to the joy of being around like-minded individuals, I also learned a harsh truth at VidCon 2011: no one is going to watch my thing if I don’t put myself out there.

There’s a habit that started around the same time I began my daily vlog. I would go to YouTube analytics and hit refresh over and over again, wishing for the view and subscriber numbers to go up. It’s a habit that’s become so consistent over the years that now if I just type “s” into my browser, “studio.youtube.com” auto-fills. The damn machine knows me too well….

But refreshing the backend page over and over again doesn’t increase the number of views. For a while there, I think you could refresh a YouTube video to see the count go up, but even then, it was an artificial number. The only person behind that is me, and I’ve already seen the video (several times, actually). Regardless, this obsessive checking and re-checking comes from a deeper place. It comes from a place of wanting my work to be noticed. To an extent, I believe that if I create a video or a column that is good enough, then people will see it and the algorithm of whichever platform will carry it to glory and earn me all the metrics I so desperately want when I hit that “s” on my computer keyboard.

I want the work to be noticed so I can figure out if people agree or disagree with what I’m trying to say. I want to know if the world agrees or disagrees with what I am saying, but I can’t just pick that out of thin air. I want the world to tell me. It’s pretty easy to do, you just hit a like or a dislike button, or, if you’re feeling crazy, you leave a comment.

Whether it’s a tweet or a post or a video, I think everyone, artist or not, just wants to be heard. I know from experience that having just one person mention that something I made resonated with them makes my entire day. And while I love to hear this from those I already know, it can sometimes mean more to hear this from a stranger: it confirms that even people I don’t know can have something in common with me.

Honestly, I also appreciate hearing when someone disagrees with something I wrote. A lot of my work, especially in this column, is me trying to work through different thoughts. I am trying to understand the work I put out there, and hearing genuine objections to it helps feed my worldview.

But it wasn’t until recently that I realized a “growth hack” that has changed my thinking on this. I have some trepidation talking about this because I don’t want it to be abused. I know all too well how tantalizing it can be to try anything possible to get more views on a video, and I know there’s folks out there that have looser morals than me and might not care if those views are from real people or not. However, I believe that if you’re in it for the right reasons, and you want to form genuine connections with people, this “growth hack” can be quite beneficial.

This lede is disappearing under a pile of dirt, so I’ll put down the shovel and tell you: comment on other people’s stuff. That’s it. I startedengaging with other folk’s work because I realized how much I wanted people to do the same for me. I realized that if I was hungry for others to tell me what they thought of what I put out there, other folks might feel the same way.

The most important thing to keep in mind when commenting for growth is: you have to give more than you get. If no one is commenting on my work, then it makes the job easy: I just have to comment once, and I’ve satisfied this quota. It helps to be genuine here too. Even if I want people to check out and comment on my work, I know that I don’t want a bunch of self-promotional comments saying, “Hey, check out my thing!” and I presume other creators feel the same way.

I only leave a comment if I have something real to say. For example, if I see someone post about how New Years Resolutions are BS, then I leave a comment that says “I agree! You can have a resolution on a random Tuesday! Or in September! Or on Flag Day!”. I’m not leaving comments that encourage someone to come back and check out my work, but commenting does naturally encourage folks to check out my profile and view my work. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t hope for that result, but it’s not something I feel promised with every mark I make.

I think knowing when not to comment is crucial too. When I’m engaging with any of the horrible algorithms (LinkedIn, Instagram, Substack, take your pick), I’m not just leaving likes and comments willy-nilly. There are some pretty awful things being said at pretty much all times, and I don’t think every thought deserves your precious time.

Showing up and engaging with others’ work is not something I do in order to hit a certain number, it’s something I do because I know it’s necessary. I definitely have “zero days” where all I do is put my work out there and don’t engage with anyone, but I know I’ll show up another day and tell people I hear them.

You may be reading this and feel like the mountain I’ve made should have just stayed a mole hill, but I really do feel meaning here. I desperately want the work that I do to be seen, and I want to know if it is reaching people or not. I don’t need to go to a conference like VidCon to figure it out, I can do so in the comment section of my favorite YouTuber.

It’s not really about the metrics and getting views and replies or whatever, it’s who is behind those numbers. One like means someone lifted their thumb and pressed into hundreds of pixels on their phone screen in order to say “I see you.” Suddenly, my solo endeavor is a lot less isolating. Yes, bots exist, but I know for certain one of those likes is my Mom, and my mom exists, so, checkmate.

It may feel like I’m feeding the corporate masters by encouraging you to leave comments so that screentime remains up and to the right. If that’s what you think I’m saying, then don’t do this in a virtual medium. Tell the artists whose work you enjoy that you love their work and why. Tell them in person, write them a letter, send a fax. Some people don’t want to be bothered. You don’t have to say or do anything you don’t want to. If you’re just enjoying the ride and don’t want to be perceived, that’s okay. Regardless, my usual sign off is more valid than usual:

I’m glad you’re here.